When Everyone Else Has Kids But You
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It can be incredibly frustrating when it seems like everyone else has kids but you. When you are trying to conceive and are not having any success, it often seems like everyone you know is getting pregnant and having kids without even trying. Here are some ways to cope when it seems like everyone else has kids but you.
1. Avoid… As Much As Possible
It is impossible to avoid everyone in your life who has kids altogether, but while the pain is still so fresh, feel free to opt out of especially painful situations, like baby showers and first birthday parties. The people in your life should respect you enough to understand those choices. Give yourself some slack, and don’t feel guilty.
2. Surround Yourself With Support
Try joining an infertility support group in your town, where you can talk to and hang out with people who truly do understand what you are going through. If you can’t find a local support group, join one online. Online support groups can be especially helpful, and you can make friends for life this way.
3. Take Care Of Yourself
Make sure that you are taking good care of yourself as well during this difficult time. Don’t just reach out and talk to someone, but make sure that you are getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising and doing whatever you can to relieve stress. Take some time and pamper yourself too, and make sure to get a good daily dose of laughter.
4. Write It Down
A great way to work through difficult and hard feelings is to write them down on paper. Get a journal and write down your feelings every time you have them. Whether it be guilt, anger, resentment, sadness, or grief, let everything out on paper and you will be able to feel much better. It is a great form of (free!) therapy.
5. Ignore The Advice
When you are childless and other people are not, it is normal that you are going to get tons of “helpful advice” from friends, family members and acquaintances. You are probably going to hear all about everyone else’s fertility struggles, and just what you should do to get pregnant. Our advice? Ignore that advice. Let it go in one ear and out the other, and don’t pay any attention to it.
6. Be Happy
Even if you feel a little bit sad or resentful about your loved ones’ pregnancy announcements, try your best to be genuinely happy for them as well. Your friends can’t help their luck in pregnancy any more than you can, so be as supportive and helpful as possible without hurting yourself in the process.
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Dr. Lynette Weiss is ConceiveEasy's Senior Physician and Scientific Director. She is certified in Obstetrics and Gynecology by the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology and is a fellow of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology.